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In the absence of a cross-chest strap (like on the Sam Browne belt worn by the Marines), a M1902 officer's saber in its scabbard is sufficiently heavy that it will cause a ceremonial belt to sag on the left side (e.g., not be horizontal)

Try wearing a black bag with an all neutral outfit

Transfer any extra salad into an airtight container and keep it in the fridge for up to 4 days

You were on Totally Biased a couple months back, and you talked about the James Franco roast and the fact that all the other roasters felt comfortable making fun of your age, despite the fact that you werent even the oldest person there